I've noticed an alarming trend in retail sales lately. It's something that has always existed in the industry, but it seems to be getting worse and worse as time goes on. What is this mystery trend that drives innocent salespeople like myself to the brink of madness?
Stupidity. Yes, that old chestnut. People are stupid. Alarmingly so, in fact. Let me give you a little background on the events that caused me to arrive at this conclusion.
I work at a major retail parts and service chain. We handle part sales and take in broken products like lawnmowers and vacuum cleaners for repair, but we also sell many new things like air conditioners on our sales floor. In my two years working there, I've seen some pretty shining examples of humanity walk through the door with some pretty amazing problems. I'd like to share a few of these stories with you now, so that the next time you have an issue with an appliance that's on the fritz, you'll think twice about yelling at your local salesman (which, after all, could be me) before considering that your problem may only be due to the fact that you're an idiot.
My first month on the job held a great deal of challenges, but none were quite so amusing as the day a young woman brought in a vacuum that she swore was defective. I'm sure she would have been quite attractive... had she not been yelling and cursing up and down about how her upright sweeper was a piece of garbage and how our company was espoused to Satan. I asked her what it was doing. She replied that it wasn't cleaning, and was making a loud whirring noise when she turned it on. Since I was new and didn't know very much about what could cause a sweeper to malfunction like that, I asked one of my coworkers to come and help. He tilted the vacuum on its side and looked underneath it, then started smiling broadly. The owner, still ranting on about the deficient workmanship of her product, stopped and asked what he was smiling about.
My coworker paused, reached up into the brushes of the vacuum, and pulled out a very fancy..... and slightly mangled..... bra.
"This might be your problem," he said calmly.
The woman's face turned a very distinct cherry color, and after apologizing to both of us profusely for her harsh words, she made a very rapid exit out the front door. I haven't seen her since.
A similar instance of stupidity occurred a few months later that January. It had snowed a great deal that winter, and we were getting plenty of snow throwers in for repair. On a particularly cold and busy day, a very disgruntled gentleman brought his snow thrower in because he couldn't get it started. Our conversation went along these lines:
"I just got this thing yesterday and it won't start!"
Ok, did you prime it and add gas and oil?
"Of course I did! I'm a mechanic, I know exactly how these damn things work!"
All right, let me take a look at it.
"I'm never buying anything here anymore! I've worked on engines for 25 years and I've never seen such a piece of junk!!"
At this point there were at least half a dozen people waiting for service behind my ill-tempered patron. I was dreading the thought of having to spend a lot of time working out his problem... and then I noticed something on his snow thrower. The ignition key was missing. I turned back around.
Sir, you did have the ignition key in when you tried to start it, didn't you?
"...what?"
The ignition key. It's not going to start very well without that.
"....."
Normally, when most people realize that they've yelled at me for something that isn't my fault, they apologize... but not this fellow. He simply turned his snow thrower around and walked out with it, amidst the barely contained smiles of my other customers. The next person in line said out loud exactly what I was thinking to myself, "Well, remind me never to get anything repaired by HIM."
Now, impressive as they were, the previous two examples pale in comparison to my last story. After this event occurred, I spent several days reflecting on just how lucky I was to have been born with a fully developed brain, because as you will soon see.... some people aren't.
It was a normal spring day around a year ago. We weren't very busy, so I wasn't expecting any problematic customers in our little store that afternoon. I haven't ever been so wrong.
The first thing I noticed was the way he was dressed. He had a ripped and stained t-shirt on with jeans that didn't look much better. Then I noticed him lifting something out of the back of his ancient and impressively dirty pickup truck. I was still standing behind the counter, so I couldn't see exactly what it was. Then the inauspicious man walked in and set a large pile of broken metal that slightly resembled an air conditioner onto one of our carts.
"I'd like to return this", he said.
I wasn't sure what to say. Finally, after gaping at the ruined hunk of scrap in front of me for a few seconds, I asked him what happened.
"I just bought this air conditioner from you last week. I tried to put it into my third story window today, but it fell down onto the street."
At that very moment, I think I died a little inside.
"I don't have my credit card with me, but if you want to give me cash back that would be fine."
Thankfully, my boss was walking by just then, and took over the conversation from there.
"Sir, you can't return this."
"Why not?"
"Sir... you dropped it out of your window."
"Yeah I know, but it was an accident."
"I'm sure it was sir, but..."
"Then why can't I return it?"
Right then, it took all of the restraint that I possessed to keep from saying, "I'm sorry sir, but the warranty doesn't cover stupidity." However, I just stepped back and watched the rest of the scene unfold with disbelief.
"Sir, our warranties cover anything that goes wrong with our products during the course of normal operation. Dropping an air conditioner out of a window is considered product abuse, and it isn't covered."
"But... I JUST bought it!"
"I realize that, sir."
"I paid three hundred dollars for this thing!"
"I'm sorry, sir."
After a bit more arguing, my boss managed to get the man to carry his 'accident' back out to his truck without a refund. He cursed us all the way out. I suddenly had the urge to drink. A lot.
Now, I'll be the first to admit that when a product fails, it's usually because it broke on it's own. Most times, there's nothing you can do about it. Refrigerators ice up. Lawnmowers break down. Microwaves blow out. Things break, and it's not your fault. However, I beg of you one thing. Use common sense. It's absolutely remarkable the amount of things that could be easily fixed if people took to the time to read their owner's manuals... but some problems wouldn't even occur in the first place if rational thought was exercised.
My only hope is that by reading this, you will have gained a greater perspective on what it's like to work in the retail service business, and will do sensible things like check to see if your remote has batteries in it before bringing your TV in for repair and screaming at your salesman in the future. Use your head and make everyone's life easier, because I'm far too young to lose all faith in humanity.
...maybe.